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My children, like most, never got the hang of whispering. This was especially true when they were three and seven years old. They demonstrated this best in places like church, the library, and once during a funeral service.
For this reason, we always chose to sit in the balcony during church services.
Even though we sat in the nosebleed section, there were occasions I was surprised we weren’t asked to leave because of the wrestling match going on between our children in the middle of communion.
No amount of bargaining, stink-eye looks, or threats whispered through clenched teeth made a difference. That only aggravated the situation. My mother-in-law was always shocked when she attended services with us. As soon as we left, she’d share stories of how Jay never made a peep in church and at two years old, he probably could have led the service on his own.
One Sunday, the pastor made the last announcement and led congregants into the final prayer. I was so excited that we had almost made it through an entire service without as much as a peep from our kids. Before I could pat myself on the back and thank Jesus for his divine intervention in making my children behave, my youngest snapped me back into reality with a question. In a tone that could only be described as blaring, he shouts out his query. While the timing was off, it could not have been more appropriate.
“M!”
“Quiet, Jack. We’re praying!”
“Mama! I have a question. IT’S IM-PORT-ANT.”
“What is it? And whisper!”
“What’s God’s last name?”
“I said, ‘What is God’s last name’?”
I came late to religion, so this made me fear the wrong answer would be forthcoming. I searched and searched, and finally, with beads of sweat forming on my forehead, it came to me.
“MAMA! What IS GOD’s last name?”
“It’s Christ. I think it’s Christ.”
“No, it’s not!” My husband chimed in. “That’s Jesus’ last name. God’s last name is Almighty. God’s last name is definitely Almighty.”
About this time, I caught the stare of my mother-in-law, who was listening in on our conversation with a look of disdain. She got my husband’s attention and gave him that you need to be quiet look. Before I could give her the “You’re not the boss of us” look, the prayer ended.
When I told friends about this conversation, everyone shared a nervous laugh. I’m not sure if they laughed because I thought Jesus’ last name was Christ and Jay thought God’s last name was Almighty, or maybe because none of us really knew the answer. I believe that question posed by a five-year-old all those years ago was God’s way of telling us to pay more attention in church.
Comments? Email beckysoldtennessee@gmail.com.
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