I am one of those people who LOVES to tell you how I NEVER get sick. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I had a cold. (See, I just did it and this article has only begun) But seriously, I don’t get sick. My claim to fame in recent years is that I never got COVID. Ever. Now, friends will disagree and claim I must have never been tested, but I did test, and it came back negative every time. So, it’s official — I literally never get sick.
Until I did. And then, I remembered why I never get sick.
Because if I do get sick, I go down hard!
It started with a slight tickle in my throat. Allergies, I said to myself.
But I don’t have allergies. But since that’s what everyone always says, I said it too.
Then came the slight fever, the cough and the painful, excruciatingly so, sore throat!
“I’m sick!†I woke my husband to tell him.
Not getting anywhere with him, I texted my two daughters. Both nurses.
“Take medicine,†said the one.
“Can I borrow your new blue dress?†said the other.
And for a solid week, I have lived with this worst cold ever. Day 3, my right eye turned red, and I woke up with it superglued shut! I looked like a one-eyed freak until I got drops on Day 4. Day 5, I lost my voice and went down the Google rabbit hole of “can you lose your voice forever?†query. You can. But it’s rare. Thankfully, on Day 7, it came back. But believe me on Day 6, I was thinking my career was over and I was going to never speak again.
“I’m going to be a mute, one-eyed freak!†I told my husband.
“You have a cold. And mutes don’t speak,†he said in his most non-comforting, eye-roll tone.
My bathroom counter is riddled with Dayquil, Nyquil, Advil, vitamins, salt (to gargle with), eyedrops and Vicks — because Vicks cures everything is what I’ve always told my children. But I lied. It doesn’t! And it’s a goopy mess!
I finally broke down last night and went old school — whiskey, honey and lemon — warmed up and slowly sipped on.
“Feel better?†my husband, aka not Mother Teresa, inquired.
“A little,†I mouthed, because I’m still pretty pathetic while also trying to conserve my vocal cords.
“Are you finally going to stop telling people you don’t get sick?†he had to ask.
Does it count, though, if you didn’t go to the doctor and no one in your family cares? I don’t think so. So, yes, the streak continues!
“It’s allergies,†I whispered and kept on sipping.
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